It seems as though everyone is talking about boundaries. There are books, YouTube videos, blogs and podcasts… so many podcasts, with great titles like, The Soul-Saving Power of Setting Boundaries,  Beyond Bitchy, We Can Do Hard Things and Emotional Badass just to name a few catchy ones. 

The concept of boundary-setting is clearly top-of mind for millions of us.  But we probably wouldn’t be creating and consuming all that boundary content if we were successfully incorporating boundaries into our own lives.  We decided to see if we couldn’t distill some of the best information into a few practical insights and exercises to jumpstart the boundary-setting process.  We’ll revisit this life-enhancing concept in the months ahead, but here are some terrific motivators and first steps. 

When Are Boundaries Important? 

Always.  Even when you’re sleeping (ex. a non-cuddler with a cuddler partner).  Boundaries come into play in almost every part of our lives.  Some of the key boundary trouble spots include our working environment, family time, and recreational activities with friends.   

Different situations require different boundary categories.  Here’s a breakdown:   

• Emotional boundaries (protecting our own emotional well-being) 

• Physical boundaries (protecting our physical space) 

• Sexual boundaries (protecting our needs and safety sexually) 

• Workplace boundaries (protecting our ability to do our work without interference or drama) 

• Material boundaries (protecting our personal belongings) 

• Time boundaries (protecting the use, and misuse, of our time) 

Five Ways Boundaries are Guaranteed to Make Life Better 

Setting boundaries is like putting up fences in your life; it helps keep the good stuff in and the bad stuff out, making your life much more manageable and fun. Here’s how:  

1. Less Stress: When you set clear limits, you know what you will and won’t put up with, which reduces surprises and uncomfortable situations. This means you end up dealing with less stress on a daily basis. 
2. More Time for Yourself: By saying no to things you don’t really want to do, you free up more time for things you enjoy. This could mean more time relaxing, pursuing hobbies, or enjoying loved ones. 
3. Healthier Relationships: With boundaries, everyone knows where they stand. This clarity reduces misunderstandings and conflict, and people respect each other more. It makes relationships healthier and more fun. 
4. Better Self-Esteem: When you set boundaries, you’re essentially saying your needs are important. This boosts your self-esteem because it’s a way of affirming your own value. 
5. Increased Control: Boundaries help you take control of your life. Instead of life just happening to you, you get to make choices about what you want to do and not do. 

How to Start Identifying and Establishing Boundaries 

We can’t enjoy all the benefits of boundaries until we figure out where we need boundaries and what our boundaries are. Only then can we communicate those boundaries to the rest of our world.   

Determining our boundaries is really just a matter of taking a moment to consider how we are feeling in certain situations.  This may seem awkward at first but if you plan on trying it for a week, you’ll find that checking in with yourself will become easy in a day or two.   

1. Identify Your Limits: Think about times when you’ve felt uncomfortable, stressed, or taken advantage of. These feelings often signal where you need to set boundaries. Consider different areas such as your time, emotions, energy, and personal space.  Make a list of these stress points and figure out what potential “policy changes” could mitigate that stress.  Start with one boundary for each of your main types of relationships (workplace, romantic, family, social, etc.). 
2. Listen to Your Feelings: Pay attention to your emotions. Feelings of discomfort, resentment, or annoyance can be indicators that your boundaries are being crossed. Recognizing these feelings helps you understand where you need to set limits.  Prioritize the situations when the negative feelings are strongest. 
3. Clearly Define Your Boundaries: Once you know where you need boundaries, be clear about what they are. For example, if you’re often stressed by last-minute requests at work, a boundary could be not accepting tasks after a certain time.  Make a list of specific starter boundaries.  Think about how they will play out for a few days before revealing them to the rest of the world. 
4. Communicate Your Boundaries: Tell people about your boundaries as situations arise.  You don’t need to issue an edict, but you should be direct and assertive, but (of course) polite. It’s important to communicate your needs clearly without being aggressive. For instance, you might say, “I can’t take on extra projects after Wednesday each week to ensure I manage my workload effectively.” 
5. Stick to Your Boundaries: Consistency is key. If you set a boundary, it’s important to stick to it, even when it’s awkward. This might mean saying no more often or simply side-stepping situations that drain you.  This may feel really difficult initially, but once you say your first new “no” it will become easier and easier.  This is because you are not simply winging it.  You’ve thought about these boundaries, and it should begin to feel comforting and life-affirming to have them. 
6. Adjust as Needed: Life changes, and so might your boundaries. Regularly reflect on your boundaries and adjust them if they no longer serve your needs or if your situation changes. 

Just Do It! (nod to Nike) 

Many blogs, podcasts and videos about boundaries are terrific and entertaining.  They can give you extra insights about boundary-setting.  There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to incorporating boundaries into our lives.  In future emails we will look at the four different boundary personalities and dive into some best-practice time, workplace and family boundaries. 

But there is no time like right now to get started identifying your boundary needs and taking your first boundary baby-steps. See if you don’t feel a little less stressed in a month.